Vtipy sem (nový thread) !!!!!

[Butcher]

[dubi]

sexy car wash
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W41t9gakvY4" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[DOEMIXXX]

[venca]

ACURA
Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
A Car Usually Rarely Appreciates

AMC
Always Made Crap
Autos May Combust

AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
Always Under Diagnostic Inspection
Always Upside-down, Double Interest
Another Understated Dealer Incentive
A Used Dodge Incognito


BMW
Bob Marley and the Wailers
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Beautiful Models Wanted
Bavarian Manure Wagon
Biggest Metal Waste
Big Money Works
Bring My Wallet
Burn My Wallet
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Break My Window
Bring More Women
Bring More Wrenches
Bavarian Money Waster
Bring My Wad!
Blew My Wad!
Big Money Wasted
Bring Money Where?
Buy More Women
But Mom, Why?
Big Manufactured Waste

BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
Big Ugly Idiot's Cat Killer

CADILLAC
Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions
Company Asking Dealers If Local Lawyers Are Calling

CAMARO
Cash Always Miniscule After Retail Overpricing

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Cant Have Every Vehicle Race On Last Every Time
Can hear every valve rattle, oil leaks every time
Check Heads Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time
Cracked Heads Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time
Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattling Oil Leaking Everywhere Truck

CHEVY
Can Hear Every Valve, Rod, or Lifter Every Time
Can't Have Everything Vern, YaknowwhatImean?
Cheapest Heap Ever Visualized Yet
Crap Hasn't EVolved Yet

CHRYSLER
Everyone knows who Lee Iacocca is right? His name IACOCCA stands for:
I Am Chairman Of Chrysler Corporation America

Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair
Company Has Rid Your Savings Legally: Electronic Robbery
Chrysler Has Raped Your Sanity Loser - Expect Repercussions
PT Loser
PT Boozer

DAEWOO
Damn All Engines With Oriental Operations
Damn Asian Engineering Works Only Occasionally

DODGE
Doing Overhauls Daily Gets Expensive
Doesn't only die, gets eaten
Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Design Of Diabolical German Engineer
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Damned Old Dudes Going Everywhere
Damn Overhauls Do Get Expensive
Dear Old Dad's Garbage Engine
Dodge Neon: Need Engine Overhauled Now (Sent in by Roger Markowitz)
Darned Old Dirty Greasy Engine
Don't Our Dealers Gouge Everyone

FERRARI
Ferociously Elegant Racer Ravages All Roads Intuitively

FIAT
Found In A Trashcan
Fantastic In A Tightspot
Finest Italian Automotive Technology
Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation
Failure In Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!
Fix It Another Time


FORD
Aspire: A Swift Punt In Rear End
PINTO: Please, It's Not Too Odious!
PINTO: Pyrotechnics Inevitable; No Timer Onboard
PINTO: Put In New Transmission Often
Ford Pinto: Flaming Oven Roasted Driver-Passengers Incinerated Nine Times Over
THUNDERBIRD: This Hoopty Usually Needs Daily Engine Repair But It Rolls Downhill
MUSTANG - Motor Usually Starts Then Almost Never Goes
Found on repairman's doorstep
Found on rack daily
Ford Owners Recommend Dodge
Full Of Rust Deposits
Faithful, Obedient, Reliable, Dependable
F**KING OLD RETARDED DRIVER
Ford Focus....Ford F**ck Us
F**ker Only Rolls Downhill
Fancy Oil Recycling Device
Found On Rubbish Dump
F***ed Over Road Disaster!
F***ing Oakey's Really Dig'em
F**king Obese Road Disasters
F**king Old Retarded Dudes
Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Depreciation
F***ing Old Rebuilt Dodge
For Old Retired Drunks
Here's a good one: FORD backwards --> Driver Returns On Foot
Here's another good one: FORD backwards --> Driver Relies On Family
First On Recall Day
Fast On Race Day
For Off Road Driving
Fireball On Rear Damage
First On Race Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Frequently Overhauled, Rarely Driven
Fault Of R & D
MUSTANG - Mostly Unwanted Scrap Tin And Needless Garbage
F***ed On Raw Deal
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Most tasteless one on the page: Found O.J. and Ron's DNA
Flip Over, Read Directions
Fork Over Remaining Dough
F**king Owners Really Dumb
F***ed On Race Day
(F)illped (O)ver (R)esevation (D)ecoration
(F)**ked (O)ver (R)ebuilt (D)iahatsu
For Old Retired Dutchmen
Found On Road Draggin
Frickin Old Ragged Dumpster
Fu**ed Over Rebuilt Dodge
First On Repair Day
FORD Owners Really Dumb
From Our Reject Department
LTD = Load of Trash from Detroit

GEO
Get Everything Overpriced
Got Everything Overhauled

GM
Government Motors
General Maintenance
General Mistakes
Generally Malfunctions
General Misery
Great Mess
General Malpractice
Genital Motors
Give More
GiMme
Getting Malignant
Got Me
Grab Me

GMC
God's Mechanical Curse
Getting Mostly Crap
GM Made Crap
Generally Makes Clouds
Garage Man's Companion
Generic Motors Corporation
Got A Mechanic Coming?
Greatest Mistake Created
Great Mountain of Crap
Greasy Messy Contraption
Gay Man's Chevy
Generically Made Chevrolet
Gimme My Checkbook!
Get More Cash!

HONDA
Had One, Never Did Again
Horribly Overpriced, Needing Dad's Assistance
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
Honda Options: No Deal Available!
Hold On, No Dealer Add-ons!
Honda Options Never Deal Affordably
Hang On, No Dealer Acquisitions!

HUMMER
Hope U Made Me Extra Reliable
Huge Ugly Mother, Mostly Eats Resources

HYUNDAI
Here's Y U Never Drive An Import
Hope You Understand: Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive
Hardly Your Understanding New Dealer Allowance Incentive
Hold Your Usual Nitpicks, Designs Are Improved
Helps You Undergo New Debt After Inception
Hang Your UNDerwear Anywhere Inside
Hope You Understand, No Deals Available Inside

Jeep
Just Empty Every Pocket
Just Expect Every Problem
Just Eats Every Penny
Just Everybody Else's Parts
Junk Everyone Eventually Piles
Just Expect Extra Payments

Jaguar
Just A Guess U Are Rich
Jumps Around Grinds Uncontrollably Always Rusting
Jump Around Get Up And Run

Kia
Keep It Away!
Kick It's Ass
Korean Imitation Accord
Korea's Imported Accident
Killer's Imported Asset
Kiss It Away
Killed In Action
Keep Inside Asia
Korea Invades America
Korean Industrial Accident
Killer Implosion Awaits
Killed In Accident

LAMBORGHINI
Loser Always Maintains Big Old Rotten Gunk; Hardly Inflates Nobody's Image
Lucky A Man By Owning Really Gives His Image Nice Inflation

LOTUS
Loads Of Trouble Usually Serious

Maserati
Must Also Suggest Extra Rope And Towing Implements

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
Must Always Zoom Down Asphalt
Most Are Zealously Duped Always

MERCEDES
My Expensive Race Car Emits Dense Exhaust Smoke - But Efficiency Near Zero
Most Expensive Road Car Everyone Drives Except Steve
Merger Engaged Reverse Chrysler Entering Decline Evident Soon

MITSUBISHI
Manufactured In Taiwan Sold Under British Influence Shipped Here Incomplete
Management Incessantly Tolerates Socially Unacceptable Behavior, Ignoring Sexual Harassment Incidents
May Involve Turbos, Suck Unless Boost Is Seriously High Inside
Men In Tight Spots Uttering Bulls__t In Sexual Harassment Investigation

MOPAR
Match Old Parts As Required
Most Often Parked At Roadside
Move Over, Power Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain't Runnin'
Move Over People Are Racing
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Motor On Pavement After Race
Moments Of Power Are Rare

NISSAN
Nobody Intelligent Sorrowfully Saying Ahhh Nutz
Need I Say Something About Nothing
Never In Season Simply A No-show

OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
Oldmobile

PONTIAC
Poor Old Ninny Thinks It's A Cadillac
Piece Of Nasty Tacky Icky Ass Crap
Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car
FIREBIRD: Fast Irresistible Real Electrifying Bird Inexpensive Racing Dare-Devil
Pretty Overpriced Not That I Am Concerned

PORSCHE
Plenty Of Receipts. Sorry, Can't Have Everything
PLENTY OF REPAIRS SERVICE CAN'T HELP EVERYTHING
Proof Only Rich Snobby Children Have Everything

SAAB
Some Ass Actually Boughtit!
Styling Absent After Buyout
Backwards >>>> Bad Asses Always Suffocate
Sorry Auto Assembled Backwards
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sorry Assed American Buyers
Start Adding Additional Brakefluid
Stop Asking About Brakes!
Sorry As A Bum

SALEEN
Some Aristocrats Love Every Expensive Novelty

SATURN
Sorry Assed Transmission Under Repair Now
Some Argue That Ubiquitous Repairs Needed
Send Another Towtruck Ubiquitous Repairs Needed
Same American Trash Under Revised Name

SUBARU
Stupid Urbanites Bumbling Around Rural Areas
SUBARU backwards is: U R A BUS (You are a bus)
Subaru: Souped Up Bad Ass Racing Unit
Souped Up Blazingly Awesome Racing Unit

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Totalled Only Yesterday, Officer Towed Away
This One You Oughta Tow Away
To Operate Your Own Terrific Automobile
Tolerances Over Yielding, Often Towed Away
Toyota Overcharges You On Their Accessories

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Very Overpriced Lame Vehicle Options

VW
Virtually Worthless
Very Wonderful
Very Weird
Very Old Lowered Kinky Sedan With A Great Engine Noise
Volks Who?

[venca]

Na Eiffelově věži v Paříži stojí Američan, Francouz, Čech a Cikán.
Američan začne dolů házet dolary a křičí:
"Máme jich dost, můžeme je vyhazovat."
Francouz začne dolů házet lahve šampaňského a křičí:
"Máme jich dost, můžeme je vyhazovat."
Cikán se otočí na Čecha říká:
"Né aby tě napadla nějaká píčovina!!!"

[Butcher]

Fotka od kamose...njn nemame to lehky

[BIGPAPA]

povedený

[awaj12]

<a> Tak co auto? Už se ti ozval někdo na ten inzerát?
<b> nevim, nezvedam cizi cisla

[kubi]

Todle visí na jedné budově v Opavě

[maRkus]

libovy.. by me zajimalo cim si pan prosel

[BL4zer]

Kde to tady je?
Myslel jsem že opavu znám dokonale ale tohle neznám

[cuisine]

[phaeton_esc]

Přijde Anička domů a ptá se: "Nehledal mě někdo?"

[kubi]

Bylo to na Nerudove, skoro na rohu s Gogolovou jak jsou tenisové kurty tak vedle... ale teď už to asi po roce sundali

[Aladin]

Přijde Anička domů a ptá se: "Nehledal mě někdo?"

docela nevhodné až nevkusné, srry...

[phaeton_esc]

já měl černej humor vždycky rád

a tímto si rozhněvám asi ještě víc lidí:

Jaký je rozdíl mezi Vietnamcem a Ostravákem?
Vietnamec má práci a mluví česky

[venca]

Přijde Anička domů a ptá se: "Nehledal mě někdo?"

Z tohohle si může dělat srandu jenom debil

[Butcher]

Ja to napred vubec nepochopil...ale jako cernej humor to svou praci dela dobre Je tohle horsi nebo ne?

[BIGPAPA]

Butcher: překlad textu

[beago]

nevim proc me to pripomelo tenhle ujetej komix

[BIGPAPA]

pedofuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

[phaeton_esc]

nevim proc me to pripomelo tenhle ujetej komix

hipsterhitler je nejvtipnější komix co sem v poslední době viděl..

mě dosti pobavilo tohle triko, škoda že už ho nemají k objednání..
http://www.znk.cz/eshop/FritzlTshirtBIG.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; (a to je taky pěkná černota)

[mathias22]

jesli uz to tu je,tak pardon...

[ARV6]

[JOE_Cik]

[Butcher]

nevim proc me to pripomelo tenhle ujetej komix

hipsterhitler je nejvtipnější komix co sem v poslední době viděl..

mě dosti pobavilo tohle triko, škoda že už ho nemají k objednání..
http://www.znk.cz/eshop/FritzlTshirtBIG.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; (a to je taky pěkná černota)

Ten Hitler je v prdeli Tricko maj vyprodany...chtel sem si ho pred nedavnem nechat udelat u frajera co tady na foru nabizi vyrobu tricek a prej to nejde...proc nenapsal a ja uz po tom dal nepatral

Papa nevim jestli to chces prelozit nebo co, ale jen se na ne podivej jak tam lezi a nic-nedelaji

[beago]

ja spis premejslel na dvema trikama...1941: Race odyssey a nebo Westside, Eastside, Genocide
ten komix je fajn, proste dobry zapichy (save pantzer)

[ART]

Sedí James Bond u Wilda u baru a přisedne si k němu krásná baba.
On se na ní usmívá, ona se zeptá, co se děje.
"No," povídá Bond, "já mám speciální hodinky a ty mi říkají,
že nemáte kalhotky."
"Hm, tak to asi nefunguje, protože já kalhotky mám."
Bond se podívá na hodinky a povídá: "Že by mi šly napřed?"

[ART]

starý ale snad nebylo:

Šťourám se hřebíkem v pravém uchu... A najednou - mono!
Šťourám se hřebíkem v levém uchu... A - ticho...

[Butcher]